Dear Spammer,

5 Jan
Blank map of Nigeria from CIA World fact book

Image via Wikipedia

Dear Spammer,

I don’t know why I am bothering to dignify your email with a response. I suppose I found your new twist on the Nigerian Scam both amusing and creative.  Don’t think for a moment that I believe a word of the rubbish you spout.  But, with some heavy editing (especially in the grammar and spelling department) it could make for some humorous fiction.

Have you ever considered writing a novel?  Because for a very small upfront fee I could direct you to some vanity presses who are undoubtedly much better at working people’s emotions and stealing their money than you are.  Hey, if the book doesn’t work out, you two could get together and trade scamming secrets!

Honestly, honestly, honestly.  Where do you think this waste of your time is going to get you?  We have these things here in America.  You may be unfamiliar with them, (“Laura Smith” from Nigeria),they are called spam filters, and they are quite effective.  Right now, there are approximately 350 emails quite similar to yours sitting in my spam box, that I will never even open.  Cool huh.  To know your hard work at being despicable and deceiving is just so…insignificant?

Don’t bother writing back, I won’t answer, unless of course, you are interested in buying some ocean-front property in Arizona from a very nice blind Rabbi I know.  I just thought I’d urge you to do something with your life.

Cheers,

Rebekah

P.S. Where exactly is Nigeria again?  Bonus points  if you can name the continent.

CIA World Fact Book: Nigeria

And yes, in case you were wondering.  I did actually send this.

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One Response to “Dear Spammer,”

  1. lajjsc January 7, 2011 at 2:33 am #

    You kill me! Luv it!

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