Yes, I’m cheating today….sort of. I’m using a prompt.
Honestly, there are so many people who make me feel good about myself. My parents, my siblings, my friends, aunts & uncles, niece and nephews, teachers, acquaintances.
But here’s the thing. At some time or another, almost every one of those people has made me feel bad about myself too. So have complete strangers.
Which tells you what?
It tells me, that maybe….just maybe….it’s not about them. It’s about me.
The only person who really has the power to make me feel good about myself is me. Because if I don’t let them, no matter how hard they try, it just won’t work. And I have made myself feel bad about things that I blamed on other people far too often.
Earlier this year though, I had just had surgery and taken a trip to San Diego a few days later. (Not my brightest idea ever.) I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle while I was there. I’ve always loved being around this particular Aunt, because we have so much in common. But this time as I was there, it was just so refreshing. So peaceful. I realized how nice it was to be in an environment where everyone was happy and full of joy and positivity.
I wanted that in my life, all the time.
I went home and tried to analyze some of the people in my life. Tried to spend more time around positive people. But it was hard when I was the negative one. And I’m not sure when that happened exactly.
So I worked on myself a bit. Stumbled around. Fell a few times big.
Spent some time around my five-year old nephew.
And started to get it.
Kids, just don’t know how to stay negative for long. They have this excitement for life. Every little detail is a wonder to them.
I missed that. I remembered that. It was like a piece of me that I was missing.
So I spent as much time as I could playing in the park, and watching cartoons and trying to remember the wonder of everything. I started trying new things and creating more and being less afraid of making mistakes.
And, slowly, eventually, painfully at times, that little spark started to grow.
And a powerful thing happened, once I let it in.
It didn’t take much anymore to make me feel good about myself.
And I notice it everywhere now. All the people I have in my life, that play that role for me. My support system. I’ve always been blessed with amazing friends. And I can see now where they only failed me after I failed them. So the question I get to ask now is how can I make everyone I love feel good about themselves. And THAT is a much, much better question to be asking.
But the person who gave me all that. The one who never fails to make me feel amazing, is a very special five-year old boy who maybe more than anything reminded me how to play, how to look at the world with amazement, and made me feel like someone beautiful, funny, smart, and really important for the first time in a very long time.